LOOKING BACK
The Guide to Modern Marriage
People, popcorn, and putting in the work
Clearly, marriage isn’t for everybody. The 630,000 divorces in the last full year of CDC reporting might lead you to believe that we’re better at splitting up than we are at staying together. But for the last 25 years my wife and I have bucked the trend.
I am fascinated by what helped us not only make it to our 25th anniversary today, but get there stronger than we’ve ever been. I pondered this deeply and turned it into my Guide to Modern Marriage. It’s simple, powerful stuff. Here we go:
Recognize that any great relationship is built on great popcorn. It’s never too late to get a stovetop popcorn popper.
Try your best to laugh, and cry, at the same things. A good old shared dopamine release does wonders for the brain.
Find your own stuff. While I was the first pickleball addict in the house, now there are two us. Make sure there’s enough overlap with their stuff to have common ground.
Go with pizza. It’s inherently focused on sharing, collaboration, and love of cheese.
Read books, constantly. You’ll always have something to talk about.
Resentment is your mortal enemy. See it coming and fight it off like you would a rabid dog.
Make, or adopt, people. They’ll give you something you can be proud of together for the rest of your life.
When in doubt, take a walk. There is no better time to collaboratively solve the world’s problems.
When Cousin Matthew dies at the end of season three of “Downton Abbey,” don’t make fun of the other one for crying himself to sleep.
Sweat the small stuff. It’s never too late to change a bad habit.
Practice your ability to make your partner better in the real world. Pickleball, Euchre, and Taboo are pretty good ways to go.
Two or three hours on a couple of bikes is a pretty good way to understand your mutual pain tolerance. Bring water.
Life flies. Never let the other forget that these are the good old days.
Put your phone down. The good stuff is happening right in front of you.
Find a band you both love and sing at full volume. You’re in your safe space.
Get a dog. When the kids leave it will take you back to a simpler time.
Like anything worth doing, marriages thrive on work. And it’s not work you can skip, like putting off cutting the grass an extra day. It’s work that, when delayed, creates open wounds that are way tougher to heal later.
But here’s the best part: there’s very little as rewarding as looking back at the last 10, 15, or 25 years, realizing that your work has paid off in a relationship that you are more committed to than you ever have been, and planning together what to put on your next pizza.
Take the leap, run the risk, and never forget that you deserve each other. Here’s to the next 25!
I’d love to hear what’s in your guide. Share in the comments below.
